5-8 Inches

Dear Bluebird,

I’ve missed you- and I should write more.

My feet are so cold I’m dragging them when I walk. I just ran night snow tubing with Kam and now I’m eating lettuce, ranch dressing and Frito’s with hot chocolate. I’m a good sort of tired. I’m the, “I won’t put tomato or cucumber on my salad; instead I’ll dump a bag of chips on top with every intention of ignoring the lettuce and fork and eat the chips, soggy with ranch, with my fingers, “sort of tired. I have a feeling of entitled gluttony.

It’s been a long but productive day- well, sort of. I painted 3 walls in the arts and crafts building but they bother me. You know when something’s ugly, and it just is? It’s always been there, always been ugly. It goes relatively unnoticed (most often, completely unnoticed!)… so by fixing this ugly thing up, it’s more like creating a thing in the first place. No one remembers the first thing. If the new thing isn’t perfect, it’s like, well, why did so-and-so make this ugly thing? or rather, why did Adele make this ugly wall? These 3 ugly walls.

One of the walls is made of very old warbly wood. I painted it a light grey blue, letting the wood peak through in places. Another wall is yellow. I had David paint it last week. Today I painted eyeballs all over it. The last wall was the ceiling. Tacoma village had painted a large splatter paint mural on a side wall which carried onto the ceiling. I wanted to remedy its overhang and give it a frame so I painted an entire ceiling– mostly blues with 3 suns and clouds.

In retrospect, they are all pretty lovely designs; It’s just a matter of them working together.

More interestingly, I had my city-date with Ethan this week. He was as fun and sweet and witty as I’d remembered. I can’t say I was ever completely comfortable despite his generosity and affectionate nature, but then again, I’ve never liked him for making me feel at ease. Especially at camp when he had his posse around. Dealing with him was like taking on five or six lifers. When ever we were getting on it was like being inducted into a society but when we were off, I was excommunicated. Outside of the valley, that doesn’t really exist between us but my initial feelings were a bit residuous of that. I like Ethan either way. There’s just something about him, but I’ll never like that feeling of feeling like an outsider who needs to prove herself.

The day we spent together was nice. He cooked for me which was wonderful. I had a lot of wine. We watched GOOD EATS, played 20 questions, downloaded music, delivered a fax, ordered delivery sushi (not so good) and talked A LOT. The next day when I was at a restaurant alone waiting for THERE WILL BE BLOOD to start, I felt myself missing him and hoping his day was going well, and wanting to take care of him, a part of myself that I was sure was slowly dying. It made me really happy to feel that way and when he called me on the bus, my stomach did a somersault which was also fun.

But now I’m back in the grind. Wind chimes and yoga baby!

Buried in snow,



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