I said I wouldn’t use my blog to be passive aggressive but I guess that all depends on who I assume reads my blog in the first place. Griffin has managed to piss me off in a dream and real life synonymously. It’s not really fair for me to be mad at him over a dream. But I am.
In my dream I was with him again for some reason. This time it was me wondering why we were together instead of him. The house we lived in was too big for two people. Again I had no say in anything about our household. Apparently I was pregnant a second time but there was no first child anywhere. I smoked cigarettes and tried to forget the baby was in there. I hadn’t told Griffin yet. I barely saw him to begin with. I smoked inside because when I went out on the fire escape friends just bothered me for fish from my dad’s restaurant.
I remember the cigarettes tasted so bad, like when I chain-smoked after our real life breakup to try and forget myself. I looked at the package and saw that they were some sort of really expensive ultra-lights that Griffin had bought… as if this made smoking more unique or even healthy.
Most of the dream I just wandered around in a dark living room. Griffin was there somewhere, being busy, doing something. But I never really saw him except for when I asked if we could move the bookshelf out of his study and into the main room where I spent most of my time. I needed something besides the hardwood floor, something to look at, to do. He said it made sense to keep the bookshelf in the study. I argued but he was right.
In real life the only thing he did was not email me back.
I’ll try not to live so much in my head.