Adam. You suck.

So I just got off the phone with my boss. She called and said, “Adam asked me to tell you to feed the birds.” And I told her that Adam and I are both on the schedule to feed but I’m off today so he needs to do it. Did he seriously call and tell on me? This is Adam, a third of the triangle, someone I’ve considered to be one of my better friends and who’s becoming a bigger and bigger asshole all the time.

At first he was just being mean to David and only talking nonsense to me, “You need to tell your boyfriend…” et cetra. He doesn’t like what David’s wearing, doesn’t like it that he stopped talking for a couple days, Doesn’t like that he reads David Sedaris or that he’s happy. He’s said this to me.

I thought that acknowledgement would bring him to change. I thought maybe he just needed to hear himself say, “I don’t like it that David’s happy,” but it’s only brought him into further distrust and cruel judgement of others.

Honestly, every time I’ve talked to Adam in the past month he’s been rude, barking that he doesn’t want to talk about it, it being his trip to NY or his day even. I try to laugh him off because sometimes sarcasm leaks past his otherwise dry wit. I think maybe he’s joking but not anymore.

This morning I called to remind him to feed the birds because I’m not working today and I didn’t want him to forget, especially since Peek-a-boo’s eye exploded. I don’t want her to be pussing and starving.

Me: Hey Adam. I just want to remind you to feed the birds today because-

Adam: I left you a message. Did you get it?

Me: No, I didn’t. I hardly check my-
Adam: Well check your messages. Click

I checked my voicemail and there was a message from Adam saying. “If you want to know why I have a hard time dealing with David… I’m not being passive aggressive…Whenever David gets what he wants… The triangle…” Basically a bunch of stuff I couldn’t give a shit about. I was just worried about the birds, so much that I considered tainting my day of writing and blazing through David Sedaris’s latest book of essays to take care of the damn things myself. I called Adam again.

Me: (pause) Adam?

Adam: click

Heart pounding with pissed-off-ness I wrote Adam a note on an envelope which I then delivered to him at Margetts:

I don’t care if you don’t like David.
Don’t forget to feed the fucking birds.
(And on the back) It’s rude to hang up on people. AW

About an hour later I got the phone call. Thankfully phone call number two from the boss said Reid already fed the birds this morning anyway. Fucking Adam.

Last night I dreamed me, Adam, David and Kam were riding down a highway in an empty generic city much like Liberty in Grand Theft Auto. Adam was behind the wheel. David had shotgun. Me and Kam were in the back. Adam wrecked hard into nothing and none of us were hurt except Adam. He was thrown through the windshield and onto the pavement. I saw this from both birdseye and my natural perspective. I got out of the car and lifted his mangy little head. He was so bloody and small and I called an ambulance but he made them not come.


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