I Forgot to Mention

I’m in Kentucky now. I’ll be here until July 1st. I had to give away my snake Avery because no one would ship him and you can’t fly a snake on a plane. I cried all day the day I left NY. On the way to the Monticello bus station I cried and had a terrible stomach ache. I was nearly OBE. I was carrying way too much stuff and was really paranoid someone would see Avery and I wouldn’t be able to catch the bus. This was also the last time I saw David.

All morning I roamed the city looking for someone to ship Avery. Everyone acted as if I was being ridiculous and the hike was hard with so much stuff. UPS said no. Fed Ex said no. The USPS said no. American Airlines said no. Some hole in the wall shipping place said no- and they all spoke to me with what felt like such disdain. Just the day before I had called the pet store and they told me they get snakes off everyone. When the animal man from FedEx finally returned my call he said yes, everyone carries snakes but only for businesses with special licenses.

At about 1pm I decided I was just going to have to smuggle Avery onboard despite the possibility of a $250,000 fine. I had him in my suitcase when I met the man who would become his new owner. He was a Jamaican man headed toward the Rockaway. He gave the musicians on the train a dollar for the entertainment before he went back to listening to Michael Jackson on his Ipod. He saw me looking at the map and said I had three stops before I’d reach the airtrain. I asked him if he liked snakes. He said yes. I started crying and somehow the transaction was made and I was alone again- I’d given up everything and for what? Kentucky- the place I was trying to run away from a year ago. Lame.

But I’m home now and I’m doing a lot better than I thought I would. I still eat. I run. I see my friends who are still beautiful and wonderful. Everyone is getting married, not just Griffin and it looks as though I might be “that aunt” for a lot of people before too long, the one who isn’t really related by marriage or blood, but you call her Aunty because she spoils you. I guess that’s fine.

I wanted to get David something cool for his birthday. I was going to get him a life size white chocolate leg but at decision making time I got him a book. I was feeling sappy. I know a book sucks but I’m being phased out anyway and my emotionalism is effecting my purchases. I’m usually a pretty good gift giver… maybe not so much when the pressure’s on, when it feels like this might be it, the thing that completely symbolizes this particular relationship and how much I value it. The book kind of says that. The leg would mean I’m still alive, still in the game. I don’t really feel like I am. OK. That’s it. I need to get back to Lexington and get that damned leg. Now that it’s in print, I can see what a loser I’m being. I give really cool books to people I barely know- especially ones with pictures because I buy things for people that I don’t even know if they read or not. David fuckin’ reads and he would totally “get” a white chocolate leg. Don’t tell him and anyway he doesn’t read my blog so if he knows early, if he does in fact suspect a giant chocolate leg, I’ll know you said so don’t say, but thanks so much for being here. Love you!


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