I’m at Crossroads Café on Delancey Street having breakfast. I go out to breakfast almost every morning. It’s one of the things that makes me happiest in life. I used to think it was the coffee that really helped me get my feel-good on but now I think it’s the people.
It’s beautiful outside right now. It’s like the day Winnie the Pooh thought to go up the honey tree, and the energy is much like that; invincible, light, nostalgic, home. It’s breezy like aurthor’s crown in magical awakening*, like all our brains are being swept into each other. I can really feel the space between myself and the people who cross my path today.
In my shower I was thinking about what it means to share a bed with someone else, how it’s like downloading that other person in your sleep. I think that’s when vulnerability sets in, overnight in that thick air. Because it isn’t that person’s personality that gets you anymore, it’s your essence combined with theirs that defines everything. You can no longer rationalize your emotions or quantify your love. Everything in the relationship becomes spellbound. You no longer deal with the other person, but this energy baby you’ve created together, and it’s usually an unruly little devil.
I was thinking about the energies I’ve shared with different boys and what they feel like. Like when I channel Chris Conner, I get a blue-brown with cascades of warm black. I feel a certain tempo, short, quick beats and bodily, I feel him most in my neck and right clavicle. Ben feels warm, grounded, bodily, I can feel him in my lower chest. He feels like I feel alone only red, more of a long, even, deep sound, slower breath, heavy, calm. I feel Patrick the most in my shoulders, though at first it seemed like a full body thing. And that’s all I can really articulate for now. There are others, other boys I’ve loved and experienced my life with and recalling our shared light has been invaluable at times. It isn’t thinking about them. It’s feeling them in my body, it’s listening for their voice, seeing their aura and resting in that space.