I Forgot About the Loneliness

I am still happy about my break-up with Brandon.  It was the right thing to do.  I’m even glad we’re still friends.  I had an epiphany after our break-up.  I realized that I don’t need a boyfriend because I don’t like boredom, I’m not ready for kids, I don’t like jealousy… so many other reasons.  God, I paint better, I have more profound relationships with my friends.  I feel less critiqued.

But there is something missing- this very important something that I don’t have when I’m single.  I don’t have anyone to say they’ll stay.  Nothing sticks.  I filter in.  I filter out.  At the end of the day, maybe someone will be there to hold me, maybe not.  Either way they don’t mean forever.  That doesn’t feel so good.  Feels like a place-holder.  I do want to stay single but I am lonely.

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