Keenan and I are finding our rhythm in living together. Positive: I’m using my commuter-girlfriend and everyday-breakfast-date time to run. I feel a little sore. Healthy except that I’m smoking more often. The smoking is giving me a little ulcer that feels a lot like IBS. I’m trying to cut back. Negative: nothing but the idea that some day some thing might go wrong. We’re mindful not to nag each other. There’s something about living with a lover that says forever, that you might be stuck with this forever and so you rush to change the flaws by nagging. We’re trying not to do that. I don’t tell him to clean up all the time and he doesn’t tell me to get out of the house more. I’m home a lot.
Our room is full of cubbies and bins. Almost nothing has a place and those few things that do are over-crowded with duplicates of themselves, the 5 peg door rack with 5 scarves, 2 towels, infinite jackets. The 4′ closet with 6 dresses, 7 pairs of paints, 15 shirts, extra-infinite jackets. We have a big sheet of space-board forming a sound barrier between our room and our room-mates’ nightly 3am bone. We sleep sound, eat well we’re warm and we laugh a lot. We have entirely too much of the wrong stuff but I think that will work itself out over time. This is a far stretch from my Lexvegas minimalism.
In Lexington I had a huge room with 3 cardboard boxes for furniture. I utilized the entire space as a studio pulling a sleeping bag from my closet at night to sleep. The friends who stopped by were familiar and once removed from a best friend. They felt safe. Now every new person feels like some sort of invasion. I don’t know why. My mind is always looking for some reason to be on edge. This is the most people I’ve lived with since leaving the Burrow where I lived with Sarah and the bunnies. I’ve been in cabins and closets for a while now. The love and warmth of roommates and all the homey stuff is familiar yet overwhelmingly new.
I turned in my studio key today. I officially live in Western Addition with my WONDERFUL boyfriend and Joshy & Kristen. I’m excited. I feel so blessed and happy. Fall is here, we carved a pumpkin last night and we have a pot-roast simmering on the stove. If only I can just stay here, in this moment and not the make-believe future moments of maybe Keenan will come home one night and say “This isn’t working,” “I don’t love you anymore,” “I’m no longer attracted to you and I want to be with this other girl.” That shit happens (remember?). Trust me. Out of fucking left field… Fingers crossed, breathing in the smell of fall-time dinner.